shake it off

What do you do when your professional world and your personal ethics clash?

It's not often I don't want to go to work. I like my job. I love the kids I teach. I tolerate my colleagues. However, tonight I am feeling very Sunday night. The kind of feeling where I don't want to fall asleep, I don't even want to get under the covers because it means tomorrow will be here quicker than I want it to be.

I remember being 10 and sitting on the couch all Sunday night because I knew if I fell asleep it would be Monday all too soon and I didn't want to go back to school. It concerns me because that's how I feel tonight. Fifteen years later. I shouldn't be having this feeling.

It's been a tough few weeks. I seem to have managed to spend a lot of time off the radar this year, but the last few weeks have been tough. These questions just keep nagging my brain.

Did I do the right thing? When has it ever been wrong to do what I did? Why am I relieved that you are not concerned when I am so concerned? Why aren't you concerned? What gives us the power to decide these kinds of things? How can I see this is so wrong and you can't?

I know that I joined this job to help kids. I joined this job to give knowledge and help and opportunity. And that got lost last week. And it wasn't my fault. And I'm powerless to do anything to fix the situation. All I can do is sit back and question other people and the situation and myself. What kind of person am I to let this happen?