The countdown

I wish I didn't turn into a 10 year old at the end of every school holidays. Lying awake for hours in bed thinking about everything and nothing in particular.

I miss the feeling of not being home.

We had such a good break. We were busy organizing all the wedding things but it was the first time in 2 years I felt like I'd actually been back home properly.

I felt so much relief just being back there. I keep thinking about the first night back in my old room and the feeling of absolute comfort. The familiar sound of the train line and my mother's unexplainably frustrating out of time ticking clocks.

The silence here is awful now.

We're pretty sure we've decided now. We seem to have talked about it too many times but I think we're sure now.

Really there's not long to go. Probably exactly half way. It's funny how you spend so much time trying to decide something that you have already known the answer to all along.

I feel like somewhere in there I forgot that it could work out and we could go back. Now it's all I can think about and i miss it. And I remember myself probably 2 years ago saying all of this before. The waiting is the hardest part...